Just Some Thoughts...

You know... there are some times when I feel completely inadequate for any task. Do you know that feeling? I hope not...

There is something so "real" feeling about inadequacy, sometimes... but you know what... it's these feelings, when I listen and obey them, which cause me to be completely ineffective for the kingdom. So, then it comes down to a couple of questions which I must ask myself in order to determine the validity of my concerns.

1. Am I strong? Not, am I physically strong, but am I a strong-willed, confident person?
Well, I'm just going to come out and admit right now that I'm not a very confident person. In fact, my track record is so full of passed-up opportunities because of my deep fear of failure! What a shame! I have left alone so many opportunities for sharing the gospel because of my lack of confidence! Why???
Well, here's the deal... I care waaaaaaaay too much what other people think about me. You see, when I care more about what someone might think of me than how desperately that person's soul needs salvation... I revert to a selfish withholding of the life-giving message of Christ's atoning work! (actually, I'm making myself sick thinking about the Silence which has so often molested the opportunities I've had for sharing the Gospel...)
Consider this... If I have an opportunity to share Salvation with a friend and I don't say a word about Christ... I have become an ineffective Christian and, more or less, an agent of damnation to that person's soul! Now, is that person's soul my responsibility? Directly, I would probably say "no." But, indirectly, this friend's soul is under my gaze as we speak, and by not caring enough to offer the Way at some point in the conversation... I have indeed lost all effectiveness as a disciple of Christ.
So, to answer question 1... I am not strong! However, I have Christ! He is my strength! 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says:

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

That's awesome! If only I could remember these words of encouragement when I am tempted to remain silent, for fear of man... Would I still consider the rejections of men to be such a great burden to bear if I allowed Christ to be my strength? And not only my strength, but if He was my only focus, my only love... this indeed would free me from much of my self-induced fear and ineffectiveness!
Alrighty then! Answering question 1, once and for all: "I am not strong, in-and-of myself, but I have Christ. He is my strength when I am weak, and His power is perfected in my weakness. Therefore, my feelings of inadequacy, because of fear, are invalid and should not hold sway or command over my words and actions."

2. Am I necessary? Does anyone really need me or am I just tolerated?
This question is so self-centered and prideful that I'm ashamed to admit it's presence in my life. However, for the sake of honesty, it remains a question I must ask when these feelings of inadequacy arise.
Okay, well let me clear this up at the beginning... this is not a question that we MUST ask ourselves, except if it is something that you actually struggle with. For me, my deep-rooted desires of acceptance do affect my effectiveness as a Christ-follower, therefore this IS a necessary inspection.
The answer to this question is two-fold. First, am I necessary in the sense of "Does God need me?" NO! He doesn't need me, but that's the beauty of our serving God! He doesn't NEED any of us! But He allows us to bring what little we have to offer and uses us in spite of our failures and shortcomings. However, if I come with pride in my service, thinking that I have something to offer God... I am approaching this service in a very wrong way! I have to remind myself, constantly, that God can work quite effectively without me being present. How comical is that??? How prideful is that??? That I would even begin to worry that the Holy Spirit would somehow be less able to move and work if I'm not there to help. Clearly I think WAY too highly of the value of my service!
So, to answer part one of question two... I am not necessary! However, God has promised to work, in and through me, for the spreading of His fame. The requirements for me are:
A. That I serve with humility.
B. That I serve UNDER the Christ who's name I carry, and not attempt to make my own name greater! (okay, so A and B are pretty much the same thing...)
C. That I serve with ALL my strength, and that strength not being my own, but Christ's power in me.
D. That all of my service be done in an effort to show the love of Christ to others in whatever I'm doing. (This includes that all service be done to the glory of God, whom I serve)

So, the second part of this question is this: "Does anybody care about me?" or "Am I necessary in people's lives or am I just a tolerated presence in the room?"
Wow! Talk about a self-centered, prideful question to have to ask yourself! And I'm going to answer this one very quickly because I feel gross just examining this part of the question! How highly do I consider myself, if I am asking this internal question of other's affections?
The answer to this question is: "It shouldn't matter ONE BIT what other people think of me!"

This may sound kind of cold and unfeeling, but my prayer has been "Lord, please help me to not care at all what other people think of me!" Please understand the gravity of this prayer and do not take it lightly... There is such a deep-seated desire in me for acceptance and approval that I cannot rightly examine how I appear in other people's eyes until I have completely deconstructed my current self-examination, in this respect. So, I'm not asking that God would allow me to be completely unaffected by the concerns other might have about any wrong behavior I might exhibit, but that I quite simply no longer let my fears and desires of approval and acceptance rule my actions and, again, cause ineffectiveness for His name's sake.

Do you feel this very same weight? Perhaps some of you do not... but maybe some of you do. Maybe you, just like me, need to be freed from the weight of approval. Friends, wait not a moment longer! This SIN, for sin is what it is, causes the soul to rot while the ego grows roots deep within the heart! There is not a moment to lose in uprooting this barrier which so quickly strips the wandering, searching, perhaps well-meaning Christian of any usefulness.

"Do people need me?" There is NO ROOM for this question in our hearts! There are many other, much more important, questions that we should be asking ourselves!

So, a wrap-up of question 2... Recognize, in humility, that we are not NEEDED, but that God has chosen to use us, to His glory and for His purposes! There is no greater cause to which we might play a role or in which we might find meaning!
Secondly, LET GO of the desire for approval and acceptance by other sinners! We are acceptable in the sight of the only One whom it really matters that we might be found acceptable by! Because of the blood of Christ, we are acceptable in the sight of God, by His grace and mercy! Praise be to God! There is indeed acceptance for the longing heart... we just have to look in the right place.

3. Who am I serving?
This question makes me reconsider whether or not my focus has shifted off of Christ, as my center focus.
Am I now serving myself, my desires, etc...? If I become more focused on my own desires, I very quickly fall into the traps we discussed in questions 1 and 2. Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters..." (Matt. 6:24a) And He meant it! You cannot serve the God of heaven if you are serving your own agenda.
So, how do we avoid this trap? We conform our agenda to the agenda of Christ! We no longer look at our own desires but, instead, follow the example of Christ in glorifying our Father in heaven in EVERY aspect of our lives!

Another important consideration is this: "Am I serving the affections of others?" This is easy to do! It is very easy for me to make an idol of other people... to set them in front of Christ and to make them a higher priority than Him. What a sad day... the day when you awake to realize that your Savior is calling out to you from the back of a crowd... a crowd which you have placed in-between yourself and your true Master. This is a hauntingly familiar situation...

Serve God alone! This is my only exhortation and encouragement for this final question. If you are serving God, then you will find yourself serving others, but it will be service which points all glory to God and not a self-seeking, approval-hunting type of service. By making God the sole focus of your service, you will glorify Him even in your service to others!

To bring this all back together... What are the results of these feelings of inadequacy which tend to arise when I'm off focus? Well... depression, ineffectiveness for the kingdom, fear of man, failure to share the Gospel and ultimately you get the life sucked out of you! There is a loss of all vitality when I do not live missionally! Seriously! If you want your "Best Life Now" then forget about yourself and live for the glory of God!!! There is no other way to a fully satisfied life! The greatest and only true joy to be found is a life that is fully devoted to Christ.

Do I say all of this because I have triumphed in this area? No! But I say these things because of my repeated failures in these areas... and because of the repeated grace of God over my soul! If ever there was one upon whom the well of grace might run dry... it is I! But thanks be to God, that His faithfulness, grace and mercy FAR EXCEED my failures towards Him! I am a grateful wretch... unworthy, but doubly blessed! All praise and glory to God!

Is there anyone who has experienced the depression I speak of? Is there one who has known the desperate longing for acceptance and approval? Friends... beloved friends... All is found when we lose ourselves in the love of Christ! There is no greater satisfaction for the longing of your soul! Please... hear these words, not of mine, but of Christ... "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Our Lord does not desire to burden us down with cares, but rather to give us lasting peace. Rest for the weary, wandering soul can ONLY be found in Christ alone!

Grace and Peace to you, my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ!

Questions or Comments? Please e-mail me at afflquestions@yahoo.com.